I’m down to the last thought in my head

Seven days feel like a lifetime.
As i sit here carefully arranging my notes, three of my favourite pens by my side.
The sky is grey and the sun is dim.
Zee Avi softly plays on my pod.
My heart beating in anticipation.
A question lingered in my mind.
"Why bother to make decisions when things are already destined and fated for us in this present life?" i asked.
I was stump.
I could not answer but merely bit my lips and took a deep breath.
Why does it have to be so excruciatingly hard when you want something so bad?
What does it take to ease the burden, to gain an infallible assurance, to make things feel just a little easier.
I wished i knew or else i wouldn't feel the way i do now.
That's why i am down to my last thought x